Category Archives for anxiety

Mindfulness practices help you stay balanced

Practical applications of mindfulness

You don’t have to be a Buddhist to benefit from mindfulness. One of my passions is to de-mistify and secularize concepts that would otherwise be out of reach for anyone who may not belong to or be interested in understanding a specific religious affiliation.

It is now well known that certain Buddhist concepts can be very helpful in aiding us to be more happy, balanced, and in control of our emotional responses. One of these concepts is that of ‘equanimity’.

Equanimity is the capacity to see our own suffering and that of others with compassion without becoming either overwhelmed by it or indifferent to it. It is the capacity to look at all that surrounds us with the eye of a curious and compassionate observer. It is watching what goes on within us and outside of us with an open heart and without judgement, remembering that all that exists rises and passes away, all is impermanent, including joy, sorrow, pleasant and painful events, people, buildings, animals and nations; It is being able to let yourself rest amid everything that is impermanent while remaining balanced and peaceful; It is the capacity to extend loving kindness to all living beings without becoming enmeshed in their own drama, accepting the things that cannot be changed, having the courage to change those we can and cultivating the wisdom to know the difference.

Imagine being a judge at a court case: you are not indifferent to what you witness but you are not personally invested in it either. You are even and balanced. You are not disturbed by either chasing after pleasure or avoiding pain. You are simply present to what is without having to change it adjust it or control it in any way. Another word for this is ‘detachment’.

When we practice this capacity to lift up and “abstract’ ourselves from ourselves, it is as if we could look in on ourselves from the outside; in this way we stop identifying with our own emotions thoughts and feelings and we can choose how to respond consciously, rather than ‘react’ automatically to what we experience. This is the basis of emotional intelligence.

Create the life you want

If we want to create change in our lives we must first accept where we are right now and take responsibility: we need to realize that we are creators. We can either be created by our unconscious thoughts words and behaviors or we can consciously choose to create what we want to experience more of. We are the inheritors of all the causes and conditions that have brought us here now. The thoughts and actions we have engaged in your life have created the outcomes we are now experiencing in our lives.

So what if we stopped wasting our energy blaming others or alternatively giving ourselves a hard time and putting yourself down ? What if instead we chose to be compassionate with ourselves , forgave ourselves and learned whatever we can from our experiences ?

Perhaps this way we could put our energy and focus to better use. We could be helping ourselves to become more aware of our automatic reactions,  thoughts and emotions; we could then be practicing to focus our intention and attention towards conscious choice so we create the life we want.

Find inner balance

As creators of our own ‘karma’, we need to learn how to care for others without becoming overwhelmed and developing empathy fatigue (and subsequently indifference). If we clearly look at the world, the struggles and suffering we see will make us sad. If instead of trying to avoid this we stay with the discomfort we will experience the wish to be of help to others.

If the need to be of benefit to others is rooted in love, we can learn to relax with the discomfort we experience and as a result we will be able to use the sadness to motivate us to help others whether through art, prayer, activism, charity or simply by being kind to those around us.

It is important to remember that no matter how much we may care we cannot live other people’s lives for them. So while taking the “three thousand year” view of things we must practice remaining with an open heart, practice loving kindness towards all living beings and remember that  our responsibility in making the world a better place ends there.

We can wish fellow humans to learn to see the arising and passing of all things with equanimity and balance, while being as much as possible an example to them of such an attitude and perspective.

One of the practical ways to cultivate this quality of being ‘a witness’ to life is  to practice being internally flexible, curious and learn how to focus and concentrate.

Four exercises that foster concentration and presence

  1. Mindfulness of breath, body, sounds thoughts and feelings meditation” to develop self awareness
  2. Sitting of strong determination meditation” to  develop concentration and focus
  3. Being a mountain visualization” to develop absorption , riveting attention  and to establish a sense of presence
  4.  “Investigating our experience reflection” to gain insight into what’s pulling us off balance, by examining our beliefs.
  5. “Calming the emotions self suggestions” to find a balanced mind and a peaceful heart to ourselves and others around us.

You can find some examples of these in the video on equanimity or you can get in touch to experience them first hand with me.

If you are interested in knowing more on the link between Mindfulness and psychotherapy you read this mindfulness buddhism and psychology article

Social Anxiety – what to do ?

February 12, 2015

social anxietyWhy am I socially anxious ?

One of the things that I have been noticing in my practice is how often people come to see me for social anxiety problems. I also have been aware of how reports seem to indicate this malady to be on the rise in recent times in the western world. So what can we make of this ? I have started to question how much of this excessive amount of anxiety is societal and how much is learned behavior coupled with genetic predisposition.

Even without delving into how our societal values vastly influence the importance of social status and its representation through social and traditional media, and even putting aside personal history I am starting to think that a fundamental part of the problem comes from being stuck in the teenage developmental error of assuming and believing that while everyone else is worth knowing and/or has a wonderful life we are not. This makes us feel insecure (and deepens our preexisting insecurities) and puts us in a position  of being at -1 in social situations.

Let me explain: if we all realized that we are in the same boat and that everyone is as ‘messed up’ and as fundamentally OK as everyone else the way we relate would change. We would stop trying to impress others or being impressed by their seeming social success and we would relate to them as equals; as a result when talking / meeting a new person we would both start at level 0, not level +1 or -1 (better or worse than them).

The first step to beat social anxiety

Step number one then would be to question the fundamental assumption that others are better than us and decide to take a position of fundamental equality. Every time you realize you are putting yourself down when comparing yourself to someone else ask yourself the question: how do I know this is true ? Can I prove it ? What is the evidence against it ? And actively look beyond the surface.

Question your own values. What makes you worth knowing is not how much money you have or how thin you are (among other common concerns) but the unique flavor of the way you experience the world. There is no right or wrong way to experience it . There is only genuine communication of your experience and genuine interest in other people’s experience. When we genuinely tell others how we  feel about anything we connect as equals, it is easier for others to accept us and as a result our anxiety assuages.

A practical exercise to overcome your fear

Finally: think about someone who seems at genuine ease with others. What are they doing ? Model yourself after their positive qualities you wish to acquire. And when in a difficult situation ask yourself : what would this person do ? Now take a leap of faith and do it . Notice what’s different. Persist. Change takes time and effort. You will get out of it as much as you put into it.

How to Change Limiting Beliefs

stuckA Practical Cognitive Behavioral Approach

In a previous article I have explored how our negative core beliefs keep us stuck. If you are not familiar with this I suggest you read “How to get Unstuck” first.

Now before going ahead make yourself comfortable. Take a pen and paper and get ready to do some very valuable work that will make a real difference in your life. Take your time with this. The more you put into it the more you will get out of it.

Ok, let’s get down to work: start by writing down the first restrictive negative belief you want to change. Then proceed with the following steps:

21 Steps to Positive Change

1) On a scale of 1-10 how true does this belief subjectively feel ?

2) On a scale of 1-1- how true is this belief in reality ? (be as neutral and objective as possible)

3) When does this belief the most emotionally convincing ?

4) When does it feel the least emotionally convincing ? Take your time answering this question as this will reveal to you what conditions exasperate the issue and what make it better.

5) What actual evidence do you have for this belief ? what supports it ? Be realistic and as neutral as possible

6) What actual evidence contradicts and challenges this belief ? What evidence is there to show you it might not be necessarily true ?

7) What possible advantages are making you want to hold on to it ? In what way could this belief be serving you beneficially in some perverse way ?

8) What disadvantages are there in holding on to it ?

9) Now remind yourself of a circumstance in the past when you had doubts about a belief . Go back to that time and recall what it felt like to experience doubt. How did you know you were doubting your previously firm beliefs? what were you experiencing ? what made you change your mind?

10) Recalling and staying with this doubting state start doubting your current belief. Ask yourself those questions again : does this belief really fit with what is truly important to me? In the past, when did this belief interfere with what I wanted to do? What would it be like to be free of this old belief?

11) After rolling these questions in your mind for a while focus again.

Is this negative belief an over generalization ? Is it the result of catastrophising ? Is it just a personal attack against your person or others ? Does it label you or others into something fixed ? Is it the result of demanding of yourself something unreasonable, such as ‘you SHOULD be or do such and such” ?

12) After careful consideration how true does your old belief feel now on a scale of 1-10 ? Now comes the fun part: relax , take a few deep breathes and close your eyes. Imagine that there’s a furnace somewhere deep inside yourself.

If you really want to permanently destroy that old belief imagine throwing it into that fire and watch it burn away into ashes. Take pleasure in doing this.

13) Now ask yourself: what would be a more helpful and realistic alternative belief  to have? State it positively (say what you want not what you don’t want!) .

Make sure you are happy with it. Word it in the present tense, as if it was happening now. (i.e. I believe I am good enough as I am, or, I believe I deserve love just as I am)

14) On a scale of 1-10 how true does it feel right now?

15) As you did before ask yourself , when does the new belief feel the least and the most emotionally convincing.

16) Examine the evidence against this new belief ? Is there any problem with it ? Then find evidence that proves its correctness and usefulness. Write it down

17) Write down any disadvantages there may be for holding this new positive belief. Be as objective as possible

18) Write down all the advantages of holding this new positive belief now.

19) Now go inside yourself again. Recall a time in the past when you felt receptive and willing to learn. Remember what it was like to be open to change and new beliefs.  How did it feel ? Re-live that time in as much detail as possible. Where in your body did you feel those feelings ? What were you telling yourself ? Do all it is possible now to achieve that same state again now.

20) Staying with that memory of feeling receptive and open focus on your new belief. How would it feel to accept this new belief ? How is it better than the previous one? How different would your life be if you held this new belief as your own ? What would you be doing that you were doing before? What could you achieve and overcome that you weren’t able to before? Think about all this and engage with your new belief.

21) Now evaluate your new belief.  Do you need to make any changes? Can you improve on it in any way ? How good do you feel holding it ?  On a scale of 1-10 how true does it feel now?

Now Take Action !

Now decide to take some action. What can you do differently right now, today, as a result of having acquired this new belief ? If you truly believed in it, what would you do differently?  Set yourself a task based on this belief being true and decide what action you would take.

Start doing things differently right now so that your new belief gets empirical support and you experience it in your life. This way it gets verified, enhanced and supported and therefore embedded in your new behavior patterns.

Have fun with it, experiment and watch your life change and feel great as a result !

How to Get Unstuck

unstuckFeeling Stuck in your Old Ways ?

When we are blocked in an area of our lives it often is due to the fact that we feel safer that way. We may feel unhappy but that is easier to deal with than our fear of the unknown. We begin to change when the pain we experience in staying stuck is bigger than the anticipated pain of change.

A lot of fear comes down to our negative core beliefs : deeply held beliefs acquired some time in the past due to painful experiences. Becoming conscious and challenging these beliefs is the first step in the process of change.

For a moment, think about something you would really like to do or be right now but don’t feel able to. When you’ve got that, write it down. Do that now. Maybe you have always wanted to be an artist so write down “I am a capable and talented artist”.

The Trouble with Positive Affirmations

Now, in all probability a voice in your head has just emerged to criticize this statement bringing up all sorts of reasons why this is either impossible or a bad idea. Positive affirmations can give us a sense of safety and hope if we let them but at first you will probably feel they sound fake, embarassing or not right. No surprise there.  If you have spent all your life bludgeoning yourself with negative beliefs such as “I am worthless” or “I am not good enough” or “I must be perfect to deserve success” anything else will sound unfamiliar and syrupy or cheesy . So saying to yourself ” I am lovable just as I am” or “I am capable and confident” will surely sound untrue at first.

The problem with not accepting a belief because it doesn’ t sound right though is that feelings are a result of thoughts and if you want to change a feeling you have got to change the thought first. It’s a bit like the idea of “fake it til you make it”. You can’t wait to feel it to believe it, you gotta believe it to feel it! Luckily there are some ways to get around this obstacle, but all of these do involve a certain willingness to suspend judgement and take a leap of faith, as well as engage our rational mind doubting limiting old beliefs.

Seek out the Monster in your Head

So what is that critical monster in your head saying when you tell it you already are what you want to be ?( After saying your affirmation: i.e. “I am ok just as I am” )

Listen to the objections that come your way. What s the cruel voice saying inside your head ? “so you’re ok as you are… ah ah sure you are!”, “who are you kidding?”, “You are ugly”, “You will never change”, “You can’t do anything right”, “No-one will ever love you unless you are perfect”, etc etc… You will be amazed at the rotten things you can come up with. Write them down.  These are your personal negative core beliefs.

Become a Mind Investigator

Once you have written them down you can start having a good look at where these beliefs come from: Mom and dad? Your school bully? The boy/girl you were in love with when you were ten? Teachers that pushed you too hard? Your little jealous sister ? Scan your blurts for possible sources. Time travel back into your life in five year increments and list by name who influenced you the most in each block of time.

Once you have identified these challenge their opinions. What self serving reason could they have had to have done or said what they did do or say? How did their own worldview influence them ? What did they believe about themselves ? What messages did they grow up with ? Remember this is not about blaming or condoning, just understanding and distinguishing their beliefs from what yours would be if you hadn’t accepted theirs as true. If there is still a lot of emotional energy involved in recalling these memories you might have to release it first so you can forgive them and yourself and move on.

Keep in mind that it is also possible your negative beliefs may come from subtle non direct messages received from your environment or from an experience of something that happened to you where others were not directly involved:

Maybe you felt different because of a situation you found yourself in; maybe you were abandoned by a significant other; maybe you fell ill and became isolated; maybe you were born with something that set you apart from others and you yourself came up with the negative conclusion that you were not Ok just as you were: the possibilities are endless and very personal.

Challenge the Critical Voice

Whatever your monster is, after it has been brought up to the light of day you can start working on challenging its critical voice and changing those negative beliefs that keep you stuck and unhappy. If you would like help with a practical cognitive behavioral approach to this, read this article about “how to get rid of negative core beliefs”.

Anxiety and Mindfulness

become observerBecome an Observer

Mindfulness is the art of being aware of your environment, your thoughts, your feelings and your sensations as they happen and  becoming their observer.

It is about training your attention to focus on the present moment, on concentrating on a task rather than thinking,  and on external rather than internal factors.

So what does all of this got to do with relieving anxiety?

Well, first of all let’s understand the role of thoughts in anxiety. I find it helpful to think of anxiety not as something we have but something we do, or even better, something we think and imagine and therefore feel. The assumption behind this is that feelings follow thought. So change the way you think and you will change the way you feel. Change the way you feel and your behavior will change. Change your behavior and your life will change.

When we have fearful (anxious ) thoughts, the problem is not necessarily to do with the thoughts themselves but with the importance and meaning we give them. Often we identify our thoughts as facts rather simply thoughts, and that is the problem. When you think ‘something terrible will happen if I get out of the house’ for example, it is the fact that you are viewing this as a fact rather than simply a thought that causes trouble.

In fact if you distanced yourself from it and treated it as simply another thought among others and refused to assign it more importance than that, you would lessen its impact.

Also, I find it useful to remember that for every negative thought there is always an opposite positive thought. Both are just thoughts, not facts. And their importance depends on how much attention you decide to give them.

You decide what to pay attention to and what to accept or reject. This you can do by challenging negative thoughts as not helpful and asking yourself what would be more helpful for you to think in order to feel better about whatever situation is causing you concern.

indexYou Are Not Your Thoughts

First though , you need to believe that you are not your thoughts. You need to believe that you are more than your thoughts, that you are an awareness aware of itself and that although you have a mind  you are not your mind. Another way of understanding this is to imagine that your thoughts are like unruly teenagers in a house where although you have always been the master you have never exercised your authority.

Of course, the first step to do so is to believe that you are the master and that you can exercise your authority successfully because if you don’t the teenagers will act as if they are the masters and they will have power over you. Once you shift your belief it may take some time and practice to learn how to take charge effectively but if you believe you are the one who makes the decisions and train your attention with patience you will succeed.

Train Your Attention

The first step in training your unruly mind is to practice redirecting your attention away from yourself and what you feel / think / are imagining , and concentrate by choice on something external : something that is happening outside of yourself or a task you are doing.

Starting with situations that you don’t find particularly scary or challenging this active practice will help you counter balance your tendency to over focus on threats and on yourself when you feel anxious.

For example:  rather than worrying about yourself and how you are coming across during a conversation with a new acquaintance focus on the other person and ask them questions about themselves, paying attention to their answers and becoming curious about them.  

Later practice in situations that are more challenging and progress gradually from the least to the most anxiety provoking situations, getting out of your comfort zone and facing your fears head on. If you cannot attend to a specific task, for example if you are sitting in a crowded waiting room, direct your attention to your surroundings, noticing people, the features of the room, sounds an smells.

presentFocus On the Present

Finally, bring your attention back to the present. Anxious thoughts are thoughts about an imagined catastrophic future that exists only in your head. It is a big castle in the sky.

It cannot exist in the now. So get back to now, and remember not to take your fearful thoughts seriously.

They might be trying to help, but they aren’t really helping are they?

So, say no to the negative fears that have only held you back til now and say yes to the voice in your head that says : no matter what I will survive !

Your anxious thoughts are as real as an imaginary friend. It is up to you to make up what that friend says. Make it say encouraging things. Make it work for you.

Relax

And most of all, observe how much easier life is when you relax into existence and trust in your abilities to deal with whatever challenge life throws at you, no matter how hard it may seem at first.

The most truly accomplished and successful people in life have a relaxed attitude. Some might have been predisposed to be like that but most of them have honed their talents by practice and dedication. Practice relaxing into existence and learning to expect the best out of situations. And when life throws you something you cannot change accept it and make the best of it.

relWorrying is a mostly a learned habit and we can do away with it by becoming aware that we are simply scaring ourselves to death by believing in our fearful thoughts; Instead we can take a deep breath, focus on the present and remind ourselves that we have all the resources we need to survive.

After all, if you always do what you always did you will always get what you always got. So do something different !

Tips to help yourself overcome anxiety

November 26, 2012

What is Anxiety ?

While anxiety is a common human reaction to stressful situations, when it begins to have an impact on how we live our lives to the point where we avoid people, places and situations that seem to trigger it, it is time to do something about it.

Anxiety is when we go over things again and again in our mind in a way that does not actually help resolve the  perceived problem. This in turn affects our emotions.  Typically an anxious person will do any or all of the following:

  • worry about something that happened in the past or something that might happen in the future
  • avoid situations that trigger the anxiety
  • become over dependent on others to look after them or provide answers
  • put on a brave face for fear of being judged
  • use caffeine, drugs, cigarettes or alcohol to cope 

Common symptoms of anxiety are:

  • tense muscles causing headaches
  • a dry mouth
  • dizziness caused by shallow breathing
  • indigestion, butterflies in the stomach, constipation and diarrhea caused by the adrenaline taking blood away from the heart and muscles
  • fast heartbeat
  • panic attacks caused by the flight / fight / freeze adrenalin response
  • difficulty concentrating and remembering
  • feeling overly emotional , thinking negatively
  • difficulty sleeping

Overtime these symptoms can feed fears, phobias, hopelessness and  lead to depression.

What Causes Anxiety ?

Anxiety is caused by the way we react to stressful situations in our lives. Whether it is losing a job, moving house, having  trouble with a relationship, experiencing an illness , a bereavement, childbirth or simply having too many commitments, major upheavals are common triggers.

What is important to remember however is that it is not the event that causes the anxiety but the way you perceive and respond to it. Often we become set in a way of looking at the world that confirms our worst fears and feeds our anxieties so if we are to combat anxiety we have to be prepared to test our assumptions and have a good look at our ‘map’ of the world to see if it’s making things worse.

Caffeine and energy drinks also contribute to anxiety , as well as cocaine and amphetamines so if you are a user and you suffer form anxiety you would be better off drastically reducing the amount you take .

Tips to Overcome Anxiety

At first it may be that even tackling anxiety could make you anxious. This will decrease with time so be patient with yourself.  While there is no magic cure for anxiety there are ways you can help yourself:

  1. Concentrate on the here and now. Focus on the present. Anxiety cannot exist in the present so stay clear of ‘what ifs” and tell yourself you’ll cross that bridge when you come to it
  2. Avoid becoming too dependent on others and asking them to solve your problems for you.
  3. If  there are situations that trigger you work towards overcoming them in time: set easily achievable targets, make a step by step plan and go at your own pace (never rush!)
  4. Learn relaxation techniques such as self hypnosis and meditation  (especially mindfulness practices)
  5. Give yourself time off. Do something you enjoy that you haven’t done in a while.
  6. Take a step back and have a good look at your life:  what is more important? shed the rest
  7. If someone is making too many demands on you work out a way to talk to them without laying blame
  8. Exercise! Even if it’s just walking, exercise helps relieve tension
  9. Stop smoking, reduce caffeine and alcohol
  10. Become aware of your negative thinking patterns: identify and challenge exaggerated worries and pessimistic thoughts
  11. Talk to a trusted friend about how you feel or see a professional such as a counsellor / psychotherapist / hypnotherapist
  12. Start working on your anxiety now by asking yourself the following questions

 

Am I looking at the entire picture? Are there any more useful ways I could look at the situation?

Do I apply the same standards to myself as I do to others?

What would I say to a friend / a loved one who said the same things I say?

Would I talk to others the same way I talk to myself?

If I wasn’t feeling like this what would I say about the situation?

Am I interpreting the situation this way because of my feelings about it rather then the bare facts?

What would I say about this looking back six months from now?

Is what I am telling myself helping me feel better ? If not, what would ?

The above techniques are very effective in learning how to cope with your anxiety. The more you practice them the more results you will get. If you need extra help and support implementing these changes feel free to contact me for a no obligation consultation now. Call 075 44247800 or email me to book an appointment.

Find out more how hypnotherapy and NLP can help you overcome your anxiety.

Positive Affirmations for Sleep

What are affirmations?

Affirmations are simply ways of putting into words thoughts and beliefs that can manifest themselves under the form of a “internal voice”. You use affirmations all the time. The problem is they often are negative. For example

“There is no point trying. I’ll never succeed. I’ll fail no matter what”

This type of affirmation negatively hypnotizes you into failing and not trying. An opposite affirmation could be something like

“I choose to let go and overcome what worries me. I choose to relax. I can do this and I will do this”

If you resist change you stay stuck in your negative affirmations and nothing changes.  It is not a matter of saying affirmations that are true. It’s a matter of using affirmations that you can believe in and that you believe that are going to be beneficial for you. Believe in what you want to feel and you’ll begin to feel the way you believe .

The placebo effect works in much the same way. For example if you believe that sleeping pills are the only way for you to sleep that will be the case, not because they actually work but because you believe they do. If on the other hand you firmly believe they will never work on you they won’t. The mind is much more powerful than you think it is.

You can use affirmations by reading them, listening to them under the form of an MP3 or by remembering and recalling them during the day while you wait or you do the dishes or such like activity. Affirmations are used under the form of suggestions under hypnosis or in subliminal audio.

The important thing is to fully internalize what you say. Make it yours. Visualize it as clearly as possible. Notice how it makes you feel. Make it real for you and practice it until it feels real.

If you choose to create your own affirmations make sure to put them in the present tense (not the future) and make them positive. Make them about what you want. The subconscious doesn’t understand negatives so don’t use “don’ts”. Instead of saying “I don’t have insomnia” say “I sleep soundly and deeply all night long”

Affirmations for sleeping well

  1. I sleep all night long
  2. I release insomnia now once and for all
  3. I wake up feeling rested and refreshed
  4. As soon as I wake up in the morning I get up and feel completely alert
  5. I look forward to a wonderful deep refreshing sleep every night
  6. My bedroom is relaxing, comfortable and soothing
  7. Every night I enjoy a deep restful perfect sleep and I wake up the next morning revitalized
  8. As I lay down on my bed my thoughts drain away from my body and dissolve from my mind. I leave the day behind and trust the night will bring me good counsel
  9. My bed is a place of deep relaxation. I know sleep is a natural process that takes place as soon as I close my eyes
  10. I feel wide awake during the day and at night my body’s natural sleep cycle lulls me gently into relaxation and sleep
  11. I choose to leave all my worries behind. I ensure my routine is filled with beneficial habits that help me  relax and sleep naturally every night
  12. I deeply and completely accept myself as I am no matter what. I choose to let go of any physical or emotional tension I may have and relax into who I am right now.

 

 

 

The Sleeping Mindset

How do you reduce your stress and anxiety ?

The right mindset is what distinguishes  a natural sleeper from an insomniac. Given the same circumstances (say, an important meeting or a job interview tomorrow morning) the natural sleeper goes to bed relaxed and slowly drifts off to sleep waking up refreshed the next day while the insomniac goes to bed tense obsessing about what needs to be done or what could go wrong and only falls asleep when exhaustion has been reached, waking up grumpy and anxious the day after.

The good news is it is possible for anyone with an insomnia mindset (the worrier) to switch and get back to a natural sleeping mindset (the relaxed person). This doesn’t mean it will happen overnight, but if you are patient with yourself and focus on changing the negative habit of worrying before bed you shall succeed.

EFT is a very easy way to reduce anxiety and it can be invaluable if you feel you cannot seem to stop your obsessive thoughts. However, there are a few simple things you can also do now to help yourself now.

Can’t sleep ? Say “F**k it” to it.

Worrying about sleeping or not sleeping is what actually keeps you awake. Worrying makes you tense and tension is the opposite of relaxation. Relaxation is what is needed for you to sleep naturally. You don’t have to try to sleep. It just happens when you stop trying to make it happen.

One way to deal with this is to use reverse psychology and try to keep awake instead of trying to sleep. That will reduce the stress associated with trying to sleep and paradoxically you will be able to sleep. Alternatively a very good way to lose your attachment and therefore your anxiety is to  just say “F**k it” to it. This is the equivalent of the eastern concept of ‘acceptance” but we in the west understand it more easily this way.

When you say “f**k” it to anything you let it go, you stop caring and you relax. You have survived sleeping before, you will survive again. It’s not the end of the world. A watched pot never boils. What you resist persist. So just stop watching the pot, stop resisting, stop trying so hard and give in to whatever is now. Perhaps you could do something else for a while. Eventually you will naturally fall asleep, if you stop wanting it so much. Consider buying this book “f**k it, the ultimate spiritual way’ by John C.parkin.

 Use positive Language and Imagination

If you spend all your time telling yourself negative things such as

  • What if I can’t sleep?”
  • “I’ll never be able to sleep again”
  • “This is useless”
  • “If I can’t sleep tonight tomorrow will be a disaster”
  • “I have to sleep 8 hours or I won’t be able to function”
  • “I’m scared of going to bed in case I don’t sleep”

what you are effectively doing is hypnotizing yourself into not sleeping. Your subconscious follows your orders no matter what you say to it, so it will do what you imagine and think.

So imagine how much better it would be to choose to hypnotize yourself into sleeping well by saying to yourself more beneficial things such as

  • “I am looking forward to relaxing in bed”
  • “I love the feeling of relaxation I get when I am in bed”
  • “No matter what happens Ill be ok” “I am going to have a wonderful relaxing sleep and Ill wake up refreshed in the morning”
  • “I am safe and secure”
  • “sleeping is such a peaceful and nourishing experience”
  • “I relax easily and naturally in bed”
  • “I get all the sleep I need each and every night”
  • “every noise I hear helps me relax more as I feel safe in my cacoon of warmth while the world goes on outside” etc

Remember that what you imagine tends to come true so if you cannot change what is accept it and reframe it in your mind in a way that makes you feel better ! The same way you make yourself feel bad you can make yourself feel good. The choice is yours!

Keep a Journal

If you have thoughts that keep you awake consider writing them down on a journal before bed. Write down your feelings, your problems, your solutions, your tasks, your to do list. See it as a way to store them safely in ‘hibernate mode’ until you wake up again. This way you can let go of them confident that they will be there for you to ‘resolve’ if you wish tomorrow.

Listen to Soothing Music or a Hypnotic Tape.

An easy way to distract your mind is to focus it on something other than your thoughts. It is easy to hear your chattering mind when all is quiet, so introduce some soothing music in your environment or listen to an hypnotic tape. You could use binaural beats or subliminal tapes. Whatever you do make it enjoyable, not just another chore and try to let go of ‘results’. This is just for you to enjoy no matter whether it makes you fall asleep or not.

Put your life on hold

If you use your bedtime to plan your day or solve problems you will keep yourself awake by not allowing your brain to calm down enough to sleep as well as  creating an association between bed and conscious thinking rather than sleeping. It has now been proven that ‘sleeping on it’ makes people make important decisions 40% quicker than if they don’t. This is not due to conscious thinking but to subconscious processing (which takes place during sleep).  So if you have an important decision to make, write it down, ‘put it to sleep’ and pick it up tomorrow morning. You could even ask your subconscious to give you a dream that will give you valuable insights on it.

Throw the clock away.

Watching the clock will only make you more anxious thinking of all the time you have wasted keeping awake and worrying about how little sleep you are getting. Get rid of it. Use a mobile phone to wake you up or some kind of clock that doesn’t make a sound or emit light. Alternatively get a clock that emits a more relaxing light such as blue rather than red.

 

 


 

Help with Sleep

Do you need help with sleep now?

When it comes down to sleep problems there are three areas that need to be addressed if you want to learn how to get a better night’s sleep.

  • CHANGE YOUR MINDSET

You need to learn to relax your mind and stop worrying about sleep. The more you obsess about sleeping or not sleeping the more difficult it will be to sleep. Accept where you are and how you feel and focus on relaxing instead. Think of what you want instead of what you fear or don’t want. Expect the best and accept the rest.

  • LEARN HOW TO RELAX YOUR BODY

If your body is relaxed, your mind will soon follow. You need to give your body the message it is time to wind down.  Avoid activities that stimulate your body before sleep and train yourself in self hypnosis or meditation or use hypnotic tapes to relax .Get enough exercise during the day so that you are tired when you go to sleep.

  • KEEP HEALTHY SLEEPING HABITS

Condition yourself to follow routines that help you sleep. In detail here’s

A few tips to help you sleep better tonight:

 

  • Do not drink alcohol before going to sleep

Alcohol might seem like a good idea before sleep because it makes you feel relaxed. However although you may fall asleep faster you will also be more likely to wake up when the alcohol leaves your body and your sleep quality will also be poorer because alcohol increases the amount of REM sleep you get to the detriment of deep sleep.

  • Do not use your bed for anything  except sleep and sex

Mental associations are vital to how well you sleep. If you work on your bed or you watch TV on it your mind will not associate it with sleep and therefore will not automatically relax when you are in it!

  • Dim your lights before sleep – and expose yourself to bright light in the morning

Your body releases melatonin when it is dark and it suppresses it when it is light. When melatonin is in your body you feel more drowsy and when it is suppressed you feel more awake. So dim your lights before bed and open the curtains as soon as you get up. If you get up when it’s dark consider buying a light-box (they simulate daylight)

  • Avoid Stimulants before sleep

Do not smoke, exercise heavily, drink caffeinated drinks or take sugary sweets before bed.

  • Get Regular Exercise

If you exercise during the day your muscles will relax and they will remain so when you sleep so you are less likely to move a lot in bed. Also exercise is a good way to release anxiety and stress, and it also helps ease depression. You don’t need to go to a gym to exercise. Walk everywhere and you will already feel the benefits.

  • Create a Relaxing Atmosphere

What relaxes you? Candles? Incense? Soothing Music? A Bath? A good fiction book? Luxurious bedsheets? A nice pillow and cosy cushions? A comfortable bed? Beautiful curtains? Consider coloring your room a nice relaxing soft blue or purple, or whatever you find relaxing. Use lavender oil or amethyst crystals , candles and whatever else makes you feel relaxed. Switch the phone off, shut the computer down and enjoy the calmness for its own sake.

  • Listen to a relaxation tape

There are lots of relaxation tapes available over the internet. If you are looking for relaxing Music, positive affirmations, hypnotherapy for relaxation, to reduce stress and anxiety and improve sleep and self esteem you will find an excellent one here: 
Relaxation Music, Sleep Music, Relaxing Music for Stress Relief

If you feel none of these works for you it doesn’t mean hypnosis is not for you. It just means you need a more personalized approach.  Call me on 075 4424 7800 and not only I will address your specific issues when it comes to sleep but I will also record  a personalized tape for you tailored to your personal  needs and requirements.